A State of Regret
by PsychicDreams
Summary: Naru wonders why her friendship with Usagi is gone. Can Usagi revive it before Naru becomes too bitter?


Author's Notes:

This has been stewing in the back of mind for a long while. It will be very short. It'll probably be the only thing I get up during the month of Christmas. I thought I would put it up to read, so there's something new for the people who are waiting impatiently for TLJ.

This is set just a few days after Sailor Stars has ended. This is a simple story all in Naru's perspective. It's how she sees the Senshi.

~~~~~~~~

_A State of __Regret___

_~~~~~~~~~~~_

Naru watched her from a corner of the Crown Fruit Parlor. Her fist clenched and she glared, even as tears threatened.

Usagi laughed at something one her _friends_ said. She was surrounded by a sociable cocoon of happiness with her new companions, always. Even as she watched, four more women entered and enclosed the booth her old friend was at. Her gorgeous boyfriend held her close as he whispered something in her ear.

Ever since she had met them two years ago, Naru hadn't seen hide nor hair of her friend.

First it had been the original four. The genius, Mizuno Ami. The psychic, Hino Rei. The karate buff, Kino Makoto. And the beautiful one, Aino Minako. _Then_ she had met her boyfriend and it clinched the widening gap between the two friends. Once she had met them, she had all but dropped Naru. She had managed to get a few days with Usagi, but that had been a year ago. 

And as if that wasn't enough, then the four of _them_ had shown up too.

Mizuno Ami was the class genius and somehow that girl had deigned to notice the failing Usagi. _She_ had started it. Her blue hair was odd, but it wasn't as odd as her sapphire eyes. They were sad most of the time, melancholy, but Naru had seen what happened when she was angry. Those blue pools could turn icy and freeze someone with a glance.

Kino Makoto, she'd observed and concluded that Usagi had been crazy to befriend her. She was nice; Naru conceded that, but the lengths she went to protect, to fight for, Usagi befuddled and worried the red-head. It wasn't right to risk life and limb as if a simple person was above another. What was it with her?

Aino Minako, now that girl had idol written all over her. She had heard over the two years that she had an obsession with becoming a star and with her determination, Naru had no doubt that she would someday make it. But what was Usagi doing with such a driven, destined stardom girl?

But Hino Rei. It was _her_ that really scared Naru. She'd heard of the girl's psychic power and it terrified her. There was something not right about her; as if she wasn't even of this world.

Come to think of it, there was otherworldly about all of them. Especially Usagi's boyfriend, Mamoru. He was inhumanly handsome and those sexy cobalt eyes of his could melt even a grown woman. From what she heard, he also rivaled Ami with his grades. So what was someone like him doing with Usagi?

Her hand clenched tighter as she sat silently in her booth. A single tear crept down her cheek.

Then those older women had turned up in her friend's life. The racing star, Tenoh Haruka, who Umino had told her was not male but female. Her short blonde hair and green eyes marked everyone wherever she went. Though Naru hadn't met her, she had felt the passing of that cold gaze. She did that whenever she met with Usagi.

Next to her, her hand intertwined, was the painter, musician, and all around perfect student, was Kaioh Michiru. It was obvious to her, at least, that they were something more than 'just friends'. Her hair only rivaled her aquamarine gaze. The two of them made her shiver. There was something about them that screamed ruthless, though she'd never seen them as anything other than courteous.

That green-haired woman had dark skin and every time Naru saw her, she was wearing designer suits. She was obviously a college student with a fat bank account and that did not fit with Usagi either. And next to her was an eight year old with short black hair and violet eyes. She was pale, as a…vampire was the only word that Naru could apply. 

Usagi collected the strangest people and when Naru looked at them, she fought the green of envy and hatred. They had gotten in between her friend and her and she wanted her back. She had grown up with Usagi! How could they take her away? If they knew her the way Naru did…

Those nine people sat around and surrounded her booth. They laughed and joked together, like old friends. As close as could be; as close as Naru and Usagi had been.

She bit her lip and quietly slid from the booth, heading for the door.

"Naru-chan!"

That voice! That voice hadn't called her name for over a year!

Her traitorous body turned even as her mind willed her to run, to leave. "Yes, Usagi-san?"

The blonde checked when she heard her icy voice and different honorific. Usagi's friends straightened slightly and watched with surprised eyes.

"Uh…Naru-chan, want to come sit with us?"

Naru's eyes shifted to scan the nine of them examining her. Though their expressions, for the most part, were welcoming, there was a suspicion in their eyes that belied the smile on Usagi's confident face.

"No, I have to go now."

She turned to leave.

"How about we go to the mall then, tomorrow, Naru-chan?"

"No," she answered without turning around. "I don't think so, Usagi-_san_."

The entire Crown was silent by now. With hot tears wanting to spill over her cheeks, she nearly ran from the Parlor. Why hadn't she taken her up with her offer? Wasn't that what she wanted? 

_Let yourself open up to Usagi? And then just be dumped like before?_ The little spiteful voice in her head made her wince.

She ran all the way to her house. There was no way she wanted to know what Usagi felt at her refusal. No, there was no way she would allow herself to be let down again. She had been dropped once before; she was not eager to repeat the performance.

Her hand moved over the page, staring at the pictures. Though she'd tried to stop herself, she had brought out the notebook she had pasted all their photos in. It hurt doubly more, now, remembering the offer.

"Naru, dear. Some people are here to see you."

Naru quickly shoved the notebook under her bed just as four people entered. 

Mizuno Ami.

Tenoh Haruka.

Kaioh Michiru.

And Hino Rei.

"What do you want?" she asked, endeavoring to keep the harshness from her voice.

"Why did you do that to Usagi-chan?" Ami's soft voice was full of curiosity and…sadness?

She shrugged jerkily and stared out the window.

"You hurt her, Naru-chan—" Rei began.

Her voice cut off when Naru's outraged gaze hit her. "Hino-san, I am no friend of yours."

The demeanor of Haruka and Rei turned fifty degrees icier.

"You hurt her, Osaka-san," the black-haired beauty corrected, "and we want to know why. You were friends once. Why aren't you now?"

Slowly, angrily, she stood up and faced them squarely. "Renew a friendship that hasn't been there in two years? Why open myself up to more hurt? Why let myself sit by the phone for days, hoping that Usagi-_san_ will call me, remember that I'm here." Tears, those hot tears, fell down her cheeks even though she tried to stop them. "Our friendship died two years ago! I am not keen on humiliation; I've had my fill of it and it isn't a substantial meal. She dropped me like a hot potato when she met you all because obviously you have something I don't. But I'm not about to try to renew it, when it'll just be the same again. What? Spend a few weeks, at most with Usagi, becoming friends all over and then her suddenly dropping me again? No, I don't think so, Hino-san."

"Is that what you think?" Haruka spluttered. "That we have something that you don't and _that's _the reason that you aren't as close as before?"

"Are you trying to tell me that she just didn't have time to hang out with me, having to study or something, Tenoh-san?" Naru sneered. "Hardly a much better reason. Either way, our friendship is dead and I'm not such a fool to risk more heartache by reviving it.

"Please leave."

Silently, they did so. Naru didn't know if they had come of their own volition or if Usagi had sent them. And she didn't much care what they told her, if she _had _sent them. Or that was what she told herself.

~~~~~~~~

At school, Naru wouldn't meet Usagi's hurt eyes. Every time the blonde tried to corner her, she managed to maneuver her way out. 

But it hurt that now it was _she_ that seemed to be avoiding her. But what was it that Usagi could possibly want to say to her that badly? She had thought she had made it clear that she hadn't wanted to revive the dead relationship.

Could she have possibly picked up on that deep and hidden desire to be friends again? The very same one that Naru had spent two years trying to stamp out?

"Naru-chan?"

Her thoughts had consumed her and she hadn't managed to avoid Usagi's last shot at cornering her.

"What is it, Tsukino-san?"

"So you've gone from Usagi-chan to Usagi-san. And now from Usagi-san to Tsukino-san. What have I done to make you so angry at me, Naru-chan?"

Naru bit her lip and wished that this was happening the way it was supposed to in her head. In her head, she had a whole impassioned speech and it would make Usagi realize what she had done to her. But the words wouldn't come, not with those baby blue eyes staring at her.

"You wouldn't understand…Tsukino-san."

And she wouldn't. It was that very nature that allowed her to befriend her strange companions that wouldn't understand what it was that had made Naru angry with her. And as much as she wanted this friendship, in her deep heart, she wouldn't allow another emotional scar to appear and fester when Usagi dropped her again.

The silence between them began to wear on Naru's already tired nerves. "Was there something else, Tsukino-san?"

"Stop calling me that! We're friends, remember?"

Usagi's emotional pleas only ignited her anger. She turned sharply to her and snarled, "Ask your friends Mizuno-san or Hino-san. And if they won't tell, I'm sure that Tenoh-san or Kaioh-san will be more than happy to expound how unworthy I am of your friendship!"

She sped down the street, her tears blinding her sight. The thunder that had rumbled ominously all day chose at that moment to allow the sky to break apart and drench her in rain. It was violent and it almost lashed her body to ribbons. It almost felt as it wanted to hurt her.

That was fine with her; she didn't care anymore. About anything.

~~~~~~~~~~

Her bathroom door was tightly shut against the pounding of her mother, who didn't understand why she was so depressed. Her mother feared that she would slit her wrists, no doubt, but Naru wouldn't die over a dead friendship. She wouldn't.

But it hurt to see Usagi so naïve!

"Dear, Usagi-chan is here to see you. Please open the door."

"Naru-chan, please! We have to talk!"

She only cried harder, hearing that loving and hated voice. It was filled with concern for her, but she didn't want it to! She wanted it to hate her, make her feel better for her complete betrayal and hurtful words to the subject in question.

The doorknob jiggled desperately.

"Osaka-san, why don't you let me talk to Naru-chan? I think I might know what this is about."

Her mother's footsteps retreated and her bedroom door closed, leaving her alone with that…person.

"Naru-chan, I know what you said to Rei-tachi."

Silence. Sobs choked her throat as she tried to find something to say.

"Please, Naru-chan. Say something!"

Only more sobs would come.

"You…I…Let me explain! Come out and I'll explain!"

She stared at the doorknob and her hand wanted to reach out and open it, but she was so wracked with sorrow that she couldn't make herself move from her fetal position on the floor. The water that soaked her clothes seeped into her skin and made her shiver.

"You were always in my mind, Naru-chan," whispered Usagi. "I never once forgot you or our friendship. I've just…Some things have…My life has been very complicated for the past two years. There are so many things I couldn't tell anyone. Every time I wanted to call you, I forced myself to stop. I was…afraid. I was afraid that you would ask what the matter was and I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to lie about what was going on…at home and I would because I wasn't allowed to tell _anyone_. I never wanted you to feel as if our friendship was dead!"

Her sobs petered off and she managed to sit up.

"You're my friend, Naru-chan. You always will be. I've finally sorted things out now and…and I missed you. I wanted to do things with you."

She reached out and unlocked the door.

Tentatively the doorknob was tried and a squeal of triumph arose when it opened. Usagi stared at her hesitantly, from her safe position in the doorway. "Friends again?"

Naru shook her head. "Not like that, not as if nothing was wrong and the past two years never existed. But…we can try to become friends again, from the beginning."

A smile lit Usagi's face and a single tear slipped down her cheek. "Agreed. It's a start, right? Let's get you out of those clothes. Ami-chan says that if you stay in wet clothes for so long, you'll get sick."

Usagi pulled her to her feet. "All right, I'll get changed…Usagi-san."

It was a start, like Usagi said. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

End _A State of __Regret_.

After all that had gone on before, I couldn't see Naru just forgiving Usagi right away. But it's a start, right? It gives them a chance to build a new friendship without any preconceived notions or previous mistakes.


End file.
